Strike a Balance Between Leading and Following
Have you ever felt a tension between when to lead or follow? That’s what happened to a man named Caspar. In a Huffington Post interview, he said, “I have always felt, as a man, I am supposed to be confident and dominant, and not supposed to ever feel shy or insecure. Learning to accept my faults helped me understand them and, in the end, deal with them. It’s OK for me to be insecure.”
In the February series, How to Use Soft Skills to Strike a Balance in Relationships, we’re discussing how soft skills can help keep relationships current and healthy. Caspar’s comment about recognizing how everyone has insecurities flies in the face of the “I got this” culture.
At its best, “I got this” is filled with energetic swagger. However, that phrase can also backfire when you least expect it. For instance, have you ever heard a rushed “I got this”, where it really meant, “Don’t argue with me,” “I know what I’m doing,” or “I’m not interested in your perspective”? Ouch! Being defensive is hardly the impression anyone wants to give!
The good news is that you don’t have to act like The Lone Ranger and double down on binary, black-and-white absolutes. Instead, soft skills allow you to take off the mask, ask for help, and keep your self-respect intact. Let me tell you how my colleague Sophia almost got an expensive lesson and learned why smart alliances are the way to go.
Strike Smart Alliances
I was out at lunch with a group, and the conversation turned to the ups and downs of the real estate market. With rambunctious twins, Sophia and her wife decided the time had come to expand.
“That’s happy news, right?” one of the guys said.
Sophia rolled her eyes. “You don’t know the half of how hard it is to find the right place. My wife is busy with the kids all day, so I told her I would take a swing at the financials. I thought it would be a piece of cake, but working through the numbers — what to put down, what mortgage to get — is driving me crazy. I’m a designer, not an accountant! But I said I’d take care of it, and that’s that.”
The table went quiet. Then one of the women piped up. “Hmmm — didn’t you mention that your wife managed real estate for a Silicon Valley start-up?”
“Good memory!” Sophia said.
“Have you considered switching things up?” the woman asked. “I realize you made a commitment, but why spend your day running numbers when you have an in-house expert?!”
How Soft Skills Will Help You Strike a Balance
Here’s a secret no one mentions early in your career: No matter how many degrees, credentials, or life experiences you have, you’ll never know everything. That doesn’t mean you’re less than — it means you’re human.
However, the next step can cause the most trouble: Admitting you don’t have it covered can feel like an embarrassing shortcoming. The trick is to hit the sweet spot between asking for help or feeling like you’re trading away your dignity. You can get there by using soft skill How techniques like being adaptable, curious, and showing yourself compassion.
So, the next time you need to offset leading with following, kickstart the conversation with icebreakers like:
Whenever you’re tempted to put on the mask and act like The Lone Ranger, remember how “I got this” can be such a lonely phrase. Instead, strike a balance between leading and following by creating smart alliances.
