How Soft Skills Can Help You Handle a Harsh Goodbye
Everyone at work is ready to say good-bye to the year. You might think people would be full of holiday spirit, making their list and checking it twice, but tempers are running short. Like the chains Jacob Marley wore in “A Christmas Carol,” many people feel chained to their in-boxes, thinking Stop — enough already!
Are you ready for 2021 to be over, too? Here’s a thought: Don’t be in such a rush to finish that you accidentally pack up everything. Think of this year like a challenging trip. When you’re ready to head home, you leave behind the busted sunglasses and flip-flops you tore up at the beach. They’ve served their purpose — it was fun but now you’re done!
Likewise, you’ll want to pause before packing your emotional suitcase. The trick is to leave behind what irritated, exasperated, or frustrated you but take the wisdom from those experiences forward, for yourself and others. As a colleague likes to joke, “Never let a good crisis go to waste!”
Let me tell you how one woman shifted what could have been a high-profile failure and landed on her feet.
Only Gratitude Remains
I stumbled across a “Castle” marathon and found myself taking a binge-watching stroll down memory lane. It was just as charming as ever. But if you’ve heard the real-life story of the show, you know it isn’t quite so magical.
“Castle” was a hit despite the rumors of backstage disagreements about which characters should be more prominent. Lead actress Stana Katic was fired, and then the show was abruptly cancelled a month later. In an interview several years later, Katic was still shaken, saying, “I’m actually still not clear on the thought process behind the way it went down. It hurt and it was a harsh ending.”
You might think Katic would be full of juicy gossip or choice comments. However, the opposite is true. She’s turned around what was meant to be negative, painful, and perhaps even cruel. She reminisces, “I met so many beautiful people on the show, and we collaborated on something really unique. It would be a disservice to those people, to the work that we did together, and to my work, which I feel contributed, in part, to the success of the show, to be anything but grateful.”
How to Use Soft Skills to Say Goodbye
In the December series, It’s Run its Course, we’re talking about shedding what you need to and planning your reinvention. Everyone gets mad, hurt, or has misunderstandings — that’s all a normal part of life. But you worsen the pain if you carry and keep reliving those emotions.
Think of it this way: Would you tell your best friend they needed to spend time every day replaying a painful break-up conversation? Would you schedule time every morning with someone you managed to discuss a mistake made three months ago? No way.
Instead, you would put soft skills to work, just like Stana Katic did. She acknowledged the pain (compassion), cut the good from the bad (discernment), and then moved on with her identity intact (healthy self-esteem).
Do you find yourself thinking, That’s nice, but I’m still in the middle of all the feels about this problem! Try these turnarounds:
· Rather than holding on to someone else’s mistake, hoping they will apologize, set yourself free, even if it’s only one day at a time.
· Instead of feeling mad at yourself that you didn’t see a bad situation forming, recognize that you’ll see the red flags the next time around.
· Rather than wondering if you should have taken a different action, change your perspective. You had a steep learning curve, but now you know what doesn’t work.
And what happens if you run into someone this holiday season who’s heard you’ve had a harsh goodbye? Here are five easy responses to use if you feel put on the spot:
2021 may not be turning out exactly as you hoped, but there’s still time to act like the creative, wise CEO of your life — a Soul Boss — and take charge of releasing what has weighed you down. You don’t want to become another version of Jacob Marley, carrying the chains he forged in life, link by link and yard by yard for eternity! Before the year ends, let go of what has run its course and give yourself the gift of peace.
