Cool Down Fiery Conversations with People Skills
Beyonce is slaying the charts with her cover of Dolly Parton’s Jolene. If you haven’t heard it, Beyonce flips the original version on its head by taking charge and telling Jolene, “The games you play are nothing new” and “Your peace depends on how you move.” Welcome to Lemonade 2.0!
Handing out warnings left and right works for Beyonce but think twice before you strike a match at work. Here’s the scenario: You said yes to an incredible career opportunity. However, people failed to mention that there were some colorful characters and demanding circumstances riding shotgun.
But a few difficult people in your path doesn’t mean you should start eyeing the exit. The trick is to boss up in healthy ways and use people skills to conquer those demands.
If a visual helps, think of a new medieval game on your phone. You don’t abandon the progress you’ve made at the first tough challenge. Instead, you keep at it and graduate from a lowly Squire to a General calling the shots. Likewise, don’t compromise a killer break just because you encounter office politics.
Let’s meet a chef who learned the hard way that he needed to change how he played the game.
Keep a High Vibe
You may know Eric Ripert from his appearances on Top Chef and travels with Anthony Bourdain. The Michelin star winner is relaxed on air but had a frightening reputation as a taskmaster once he entered the kitchen.
However, his anger and push for perfection betrayed him. Constantly losing his temper didn’t elevate results. Unfortunately, it sent prized employees out the door to competitor restaurants.
These days, he’s as passionate as ever. But he’s learned to counterbalance a fiery delivery. He laughed, “It doesn’t mean that if someone burns the fish three times, you’re gonna say, ‘Listen, it would be very nice if you don’t burn it.’ We make sure that the ambiance in the kitchen is good because if you are just selfish and want your team to be efficient, a cook who is shaking like that is not going to cook better than a guy who is very precise and inspired and enjoys what he’s doing.”
Three Ways to Handle Heated Conversations
In the April series, we’re discussing how to Slay the Game of Office Politics. Right now, your workplace could seem like a Michelin kitchen — hot, humid, and filled with drama starters with sharp objects. But here’s the good news: You can stay plugged into a golden opportunity without plugging in to the chaos around you.
As a professional negotiator, I’ve witnessed how people love, appreciate, and praise people who change the mood when the heat is on. (And that may be as simple as cracking a well-timed joke.)
That’s a different kind of victory than trying to overpower aggressive people. You trade away your good judgment when you spend your day engaging in petty power plays. Even worse, the person driving you crazy may get a thrill from seeing you become miserable.
Office politics are nothing new. So, turn to people skills to stay poised and get to the other side of that challenge. Handle heated conversations and disagreeable people with these pro tips and tactics:
1. Keep it respectful. Managing your emotions makes poor, demanding behavior stand out.
2. Find common ground. Get creative and rally the room around what is good for the order.
3. When necessary, walk away. Protect healthy self-esteem by recognizing that you’re not responsible for other people’s personal development — skilling up is an inside job.
Stepping back from dead-end fights doesn’t diminish your personal power. By contrast, you stand your ground by guarding your emotional, physical, and intellectual capital. Your peace (and dignity) depends on how you move. So, skip spats, snark, and square-offs, and act like a General taking astute actions to get to the next level. Cool down fiery conversations and slay the game.
