Communication PSA: Being Understood is on You
M*A*S*H* actor Alan Alda thought he found a brilliant financial advisor. The man had long Wall Street experience and came highly recommended. It was the perfect combination — on paper.
The guy did a great job with Alda’s portfolio, but somehow, they couldn’t get on the same page. The most straightforward question became a 20-minute ramble about futures, commodities, and every potential whim of the market. In his book, If I Understood You Would I Have This Look on My Face?, Alda recounts that, despite his brilliance, it didn’t take long before he let him go.
That simple story demonstrates a difficult principle no one may have mentioned about communication: Being understood is on you.
For instance, in the past, bossing up looked like “showing your homework,” where you flooded people with data to demonstrate your knowledge. But have you ever known someone like the financial advisor who thinks long-winded explanations mean they’re killing it?
What they don’t understand is that effective communication is much more than data. It’s also about connecting emotionally.
Practice Communicating with the 8-Minute Challenge
Connecting sounds like a piece of cake, but are you unsure about how to refine your technique? Try the 8-minute phone call challenge. The rules of the game are easy: Text a friend, ask when they’re available for 8 minutes, and then make it real by setting a date.
The 8-minute challenge is worth a try because it gives you practice communicating well in short bursts — precisely what is required at the office. Better yet, you’re practicing with a friendly audience. That’s the place to refine an authentic style before you’re in a high-stakes situation.
Here’s what you’re listening for: Follow-up questions that pull the conversation forward and expand the topic. Like the financial advisor anecdote above, you’re off track if your audience wants to go backward. That’s a sure sign they didn’t understand your meaning the first time. So, remind yourself to reset the next time a conversation gets a little long or your audience starts losing attention.
Are you giving this idea the side eye, thinking being succinct might mean losing your messaging or dumbing important ideas down? Then think again. There are no cutting corners when you’re figuring out just what to say, when, and to whom. Packing a punch in a streamlined package requires soft skill How tactics like being flexible, creative, and making wise decisions about what to keep in or cut out.
Communication PSAs Series Recap
In the May series, Communication PSAs, we’ve discussed how to turn around common communication missteps. A key takeaway from all the case studies is that words are only part of the story. That’s why people groan and think of the negatives when you mention communication as a competency. They’ve been on the other side of people who misunderstand these skills. Communication isn’t talking nonstop or thinking out loud while others wait for you to find the plot. Instead, soft skills like emotional intelligence — which includes everything from holding back spicy comebacks to reading the room — are just as essential as the data delivered.
Here’s a recap of the three Communication PSAs:
1. Not Posting is Always an Option. Hitting Send may seem satisfying, but emotional peaks are often the worst time to communicate. You can’t put a price on emotional and professional peace. So, remember that not posting is always an option.
2. Start Every Conversation with a Perspective. Be an active participant in every conversation instead of a spectator. Bringing your best critical thinking means no one can finesse you.
3. Rescue Hard Conversations with How Questions. Too many Why questions can make people feel undermined and second-guessed. So, build alliances by pivoting to How questions. People will feel that you are an insightful, trustworthy person who wants the best outcome for everyone.
When communication wires get crossed, remember to go back to basics and focus on understanding and being understood. Act as the creative, wise CEO of your life — a Soul Boss — and make your words count.
Have you enjoyed this series? Keep the goodness going by discovering a new approach to skilling up. Check out my new book, Soft Skills Basics in a Flash.
