Be the Voice of the Encourager

I recently had lunch with a group of women who raved about their pandemic splurge of a top-of-the-line home exercise machine. Enthusiasm was high for the device, but live classes got a mixed review. One woman joked, “Hey — I’m not camera ready at 6 AM. And I’m already overloaded. I don’t need one more person yelling at me to do more!”

She has a point. Everyone has an inner voice that gets after us, and there are times when that boot camp voice is just the motivation we need! However, nagging, scolding, or guilt tripping yourself isn’t the only way. It’s just as important to listen to the inner whisper encouraging you, “I know it’s hard, but I have faith in you. Keep going.”

Let me tell you how a young woman connected with her inner encourager and quit her bad boss.

Failure Turns into Fun

Humans of New York profiled a young woman who thought a dead-end job was her only option. She recalled, “I used to work as a producer at a media company. It was one of those cultures where you worked until you had nothing left to give.

My boss’s voice would be the first thing I heard every morning. He’d phone me at 5 AM. He’d put me down. He’d shout at me during meetings. I wasn’t allowed to do anything on the creative side. I could only handle the budgets. Once I asked him if I could leave early one day to take a course in art direction, and he said, “What makes you think you could succeed at something like that?” That’s when I finally quit.

The more distance I got from the job, the more I realized that I’d allowed myself to be pigeonholed. I started trying to save money to attend the New York Film Academy and for the past couple of months, I’ve been making short documentaries about people. For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m using all my talents. I’ve never had this much fun.”

Three Ways to Find Work Worth Doing

You might listen to her story and think, It’s a good thing she quit — that guy was terrible! But take a minute to reflect — does her story sound familiar because you speak to yourself the same way?

Here’s the good news: That negative, pushy voice is not only learned, it’s probably from someone else. No one is born putting themselves down. You hear it from a demanding parent, a critical teacher, or even as a passing micro-aggression, like an eye-roll from someone you looked up to and wanted to impress.

So, the next time your mind starts racing with thoughts putting you down, turn to the soft skill of empathy. Replace negative chatter by thinking of people who cheered you on, were compassionate, or reassured you as you learned new skills. You were probably your best, most productive self in their presence. If you want to get things done, you must encourage yourself in the same way.

Here are three ways for you to practice:

1. Make it fast by taking 30 seconds to affirm, “I motivate myself with words of love, kindness, and respect.”
2. Make it deep by taking 30 minutes to think through a time when you were too hard on yourself. Were tasks done better or faster?
3. Make it real by becoming aware of your self-talk. The next time you begin to criticize yourself, stop and reverse that criticism.

You may strive to be the most productive person on the floor, but it doesn’t matter how much you get done in a day if you feel worn out and resentful. So, act like the creative, wise CEO of your life — a Soul Boss — and stop letting busy work and random tasks be the boss of you. Spend your days doing work worth doing.