7 Starter Phrases for Tricky Situations

The team at Happify posted a fascinating graphic about employee well-being. What are your best guesses about what makes people work harder? Are they Michelin-level entrees in the cafeteria, cool furniture, or the latest device? Nope.

It’s simple: People are more productive when they’re happy. The new table stakes are natural light, location flexibility, and variety in assigned tasks.

But here’s the inside scoop about happiness you may not have heard in business school: Work is only part of the picture. Consistent happiness depends on the rest of your life running, too. That means your relationships with friends, family, and community have a solid foundation. So, in February, when the focus is on love, we’ll look at after-hours relationships and how you can improve them with people skills in the series, Relationship Audit.

You may be thinking, People skills? Try that on my ornery neighbor! Believe me — I get it. I have someone who never stops nitpicking living next door, too. Unfortunately, people skills aren’t a magic wand that makes difficult people disappear. They offer practical tools and techniques so you can work your way past tricky situations.

For instance, imagine that you’re a contractor. There’s no way you’d want to show up to a big job with only a hammer and a screwdriver. What do you want instead? A tricked-out truck housing a mobile workshop with all the gear and supplies you need to handle that tough assignment well and quickly.

Likewise, dealing with problem people requires every people skill you have. Finding common ground in business is relatively easy because everyone wants projects to be successful and lucrative. But getting on the same page with non-work relationships is a lot tougher. Courtesy is in short supply, emotions run high, and there isn’t a single North Star like money.

So, be the wise, grown person in your circle and decide you have the poise and ability to handle anyone life sends your way. Here’s the takeaway for February: Good humaning is back in style.

Do You Talk to Family Like They’re Employees?

Shayla Smith is an example of someone who learned to calibrate her communications. Colleagues know her as a Type A, get it done leader. As the COO of a Big Law firm, she’s used to operating with confidence and command.

She had taken the same approach to parenting. Shayla’s boys know she will say things once and she expects them to pay attention and act.

But the Tell/Do style began to feel abrasive. She remembers, “I was accustomed to providing directives all day at work, so I found it natural to adopt the same approach at home. Unfortunately, that often struck my husband and sons the wrong way.”

After brainstorming with her husband, they agreed to start using bridging phrases like, “It would be nice if.” Shayla’s communications are as clear-minded and direct as ever, but she’s tempered them with a kinder approach.

Fine-Tune Your Asks with Starter Phrases

Can you relate to Shayla Smith’s story, where your straight, no chaser style works beautifully at work but not so well with your in-laws? If that’s the case, you may find traction by shifting how you communicate. Try being more intentional on two fronts — be sensitive with your words and your delivery.

Now, let’s take the bridging phrase idea and expand it. Here are seven starter phrases to get you going, but be sure to design expressions that match your voice and style:

Don’t allow a hasty delivery to escalate into an avoidable throwdown (at home or at the office). When all else fails, remember that a heartfelt “Thank you” still works wonders.